september 26, 2011
i started a mission this year to create something new. but sometimes I get caught up in guilt, like i haven't been moving forward as quickly as i should be. and then recently i had a bit of a wake up call.
you might remember when i broke my wrist really good last year. shortly after i had a bone scan to figure out why the break was so big and they found a few other breaks i apparently had. there were some reasons this could be happening from minor to the big one, but no answers.
i went to see the bone doctor over the past weeks and we did a full review of my case to find an answer. in that meeting, a lovely resident and him discussed the possibilities. i think my medical knowledge sometimes works against me cause i understood exactly what they were trying to talk in code about....
"37 yr old female, history of breast cancer, presenting with multiple fractures, what could it be?" dr
"mets" resident
"so we get a bone scan" dr
ugh. mets = metastatic cancer = cancer is back and in my bones
luckily i got the test a day later and the results right away after that. but those few days threw me back in the cancer funk. back in the mindset that made me doubt this new something. how could i create something new with the c word constantly haunting me?
can you guess how this story ends? with a call from a very reassuring oncologist who said "we already knew this tasha, don't doubt, you are okay and that is the past". phew. a totally clear bone scan and a reminder to live!
the documentary that i was a part of in the summer of 09 & 10 is airing this week and i have felt a lot of anxiety around that. it is an amazing film and the reason i did it was to share my story in hopes that it will help someone else. but watching the girl in the film seems like i am watching someone else's life. it really does feel like a lifetime ago. http://www.wnetwork.com/Shows/About-Her.aspx
my life lately has been filled with planning for our annual BoobyBall for Rethink Breast Cancer and filling my time with things that make me happy. who doesn't love planning a party?
so what has this little blip on the radar taught me? don't put so much pressure on myself to change my life and forget about living it. and so i leave you with this song that reminds me how lucky we all are.
Monday
just living life...
july 18, 2011
whenever I don't post for a while, I start getting emails from friends wondering if i'm ok. so sweet! one thing to know about me....if you don't hear from me I'm likely totally fine. when something's wrong I blog to get my thoughts out.
so right in character with things, i have been living life over the past months. it feels crazy awesome and luxurious to just worry about what fun things we are up to.
talyn finished kindergarten. a small step for most, but a huge step for us. it was our first year doing this all on our own and we survived! with new things comes anxiety and fear of failure, but somehow everyone manages to get through - don't we? the next time you feel like you're standing at the edge of a cliff of something new, just remember that you've been there before and somehow you just leaped across to something new. so you can do it again.
investors group hosted the second annual golf tournament for talyn's sports fund. sports are expensive! so the group that ryan worked with makes sure that talyn can choose what sports he wants....even if someday it's hockey - ugh!
on the rethink breast cancer front, we had an amazing month. at the long view golf tourney, we raised over $12K for this amazing charity that a group of us donate our time to. then 9 of us spent a weekend with a psychologist getting trained to do peer support for other young women going through breast cancer. this was the dream we had from day one, 4 years ago and now we are officially launched! check it out... http://rethinkbreastcancer.com/support-programs/peer-to-peer/
the weekend training helped me remember a lot of things. but one of the biggest lessons i learned through everything can really apply to anyone:
we all go through hard stuff. just remember that you often can't control the bigger stuff in life, but you can control how you deal with it. so just try and focus on that and the rest will work itself out. it always does.
much love,
tasha
whenever I don't post for a while, I start getting emails from friends wondering if i'm ok. so sweet! one thing to know about me....if you don't hear from me I'm likely totally fine. when something's wrong I blog to get my thoughts out.
so right in character with things, i have been living life over the past months. it feels crazy awesome and luxurious to just worry about what fun things we are up to.
talyn finished kindergarten. a small step for most, but a huge step for us. it was our first year doing this all on our own and we survived! with new things comes anxiety and fear of failure, but somehow everyone manages to get through - don't we? the next time you feel like you're standing at the edge of a cliff of something new, just remember that you've been there before and somehow you just leaped across to something new. so you can do it again.
investors group hosted the second annual golf tournament for talyn's sports fund. sports are expensive! so the group that ryan worked with makes sure that talyn can choose what sports he wants....even if someday it's hockey - ugh!
on the rethink breast cancer front, we had an amazing month. at the long view golf tourney, we raised over $12K for this amazing charity that a group of us donate our time to. then 9 of us spent a weekend with a psychologist getting trained to do peer support for other young women going through breast cancer. this was the dream we had from day one, 4 years ago and now we are officially launched! check it out... http://rethinkbreastcancer.com/support-programs/peer-to-peer/
the weekend training helped me remember a lot of things. but one of the biggest lessons i learned through everything can really apply to anyone:
we all go through hard stuff. just remember that you often can't control the bigger stuff in life, but you can control how you deal with it. so just try and focus on that and the rest will work itself out. it always does.
much love,
tasha
renewal
may 30, 2011
i don't know if it's where i'm at in life, the crazy amount of rain followed by the sun or the school year coming quickly to a close, but i feel as if life is changing. some parts of it are definitely brought on by me. my hair is back to its youth color - blond. i figured it was time for a change.
now i finally have a burning desire to clear out the clutter of the years gone by. i've talked about it for months, but now i'm ready. i actually feel like i'm suffocating in "stuff". i was scared that if i got rid of the stuff, the memories would go with it - but of course that's not true. it might not be as top of mind all of the time, but it will always be with me.
talyn and i had a really great time in maui. we went with great friends and somehow found the perfect combination of life list stuff and relaxing. i got to snorkel with some sea turtles and talyn learned to surf. but what i figured out over the past couple of months is as i continue to check things off of my life list - amazing outdoor concert experience, trip to hawaii, etc. i just want to add more to it!
more updates from the past month include:
aloha,
tasha
i don't know if it's where i'm at in life, the crazy amount of rain followed by the sun or the school year coming quickly to a close, but i feel as if life is changing. some parts of it are definitely brought on by me. my hair is back to its youth color - blond. i figured it was time for a change.
now i finally have a burning desire to clear out the clutter of the years gone by. i've talked about it for months, but now i'm ready. i actually feel like i'm suffocating in "stuff". i was scared that if i got rid of the stuff, the memories would go with it - but of course that's not true. it might not be as top of mind all of the time, but it will always be with me.
talyn and i had a really great time in maui. we went with great friends and somehow found the perfect combination of life list stuff and relaxing. i got to snorkel with some sea turtles and talyn learned to surf. but what i figured out over the past couple of months is as i continue to check things off of my life list - amazing outdoor concert experience, trip to hawaii, etc. i just want to add more to it!
more updates from the past month include:
- we have gotten to know more medical professionals in the past month than many of you will know in a lifetime, but that's apparently how we roll.
- and talyn turned 6, surrounded by many kids and friends and lego everywhere. i swear next year we'll do it simpler (or maybe not).
- and talyn finally got matched with a big brother! because of confidentiality - blah, blah, i can't share details, but i truly believe this will be life changing for us both.
aloha,
tasha
Wednesday
like a dream
april 27, 2011
Clearly the biggest update to report is Coachella. It is really hard to explain what it was like other than - AMAZING. Imagine really hot weather (if you're in Calgary that's a stretch lately), trying at any point to decide between 2-3 of your favorite bands, a chill vibe, celebs everywhere, need I say more? The only thing that could make it better for next year (cause that's definitely happening) is having more people we know there. So people, next April, pencil it in now!
Had a fab easter weekend with jill and her crew. Things are never boring when you add 3 more kids to the mix. She even had them working the corner....well with a kool aid stand. A neighbour we just met even went home and made them a professional sign because he was worried the home made one wasn't working as well as it should be. They made over $30! That's some good profits.
Easter dinner was total chaos, but in a good way. 6 kids and 5 adults made for lots of fun. We even went out after dinner to play tag in the sunshine. Sadly my tom's shoes weren't that solid on a gravel road while I was running and if you can believe it, I ended up breaking the other bone in my left wrist. Ugh! After a day of frustration, I am good again - what can I do? Other than perhaps live in a bubble, which clearly isn't me.
Now preparations for Talyn's 6th birthday. This year it's a Lego party, should be fun.
So another couple of weeks that feels like months from all the things we've done, with some amazing highs and some frustrations....but nothing that I can control, so why let it get me down? That's life and I will continue to roll with it. You shoud too.
ciao,
Tasha
Clearly the biggest update to report is Coachella. It is really hard to explain what it was like other than - AMAZING. Imagine really hot weather (if you're in Calgary that's a stretch lately), trying at any point to decide between 2-3 of your favorite bands, a chill vibe, celebs everywhere, need I say more? The only thing that could make it better for next year (cause that's definitely happening) is having more people we know there. So people, next April, pencil it in now!
Had a fab easter weekend with jill and her crew. Things are never boring when you add 3 more kids to the mix. She even had them working the corner....well with a kool aid stand. A neighbour we just met even went home and made them a professional sign because he was worried the home made one wasn't working as well as it should be. They made over $30! That's some good profits.
Easter dinner was total chaos, but in a good way. 6 kids and 5 adults made for lots of fun. We even went out after dinner to play tag in the sunshine. Sadly my tom's shoes weren't that solid on a gravel road while I was running and if you can believe it, I ended up breaking the other bone in my left wrist. Ugh! After a day of frustration, I am good again - what can I do? Other than perhaps live in a bubble, which clearly isn't me.
Now preparations for Talyn's 6th birthday. This year it's a Lego party, should be fun.
So another couple of weeks that feels like months from all the things we've done, with some amazing highs and some frustrations....but nothing that I can control, so why let it get me down? That's life and I will continue to roll with it. You shoud too.
ciao,
Tasha
Thursday
relief
april 7, 2011
the day before april 4 was actually a lot harder than the day itself - why is that? all these expectations and thinking about the big day was really overwhelming. when the day actually came, the first thing i woke up to was a text from tricia letting me know that i did it. 4 am had already passed and that meant i had made it through the year. i actually felt a huge sigh of relief. if i made it through that, i am set!
there were lots of great moments, but the best part for me was going back to rosedale hospice. i felt this immense sense of peace when i walked in and it was so nice that everyone remembered us. we brought them some colorful tulip plants to brighten up the space and were greeted by many hugs. talyn ran right down to the library and grabbed our familiar old retro game of "guess who" and we played a couple of rounds in the sun room.
talyn's bday is coming up and so we're again doing an echoage party (www.echoage.com). i highly recommend it. everyone just donates money, half goes to one gift for the birthday kid and the other half to a charity of their choice. the kid gets to choose what they want and the guests don't have to shop and wrap a gift - heaven!
he was explaining to tricia tonight that he chose the WWF so that he could help animals. then talyn was asking us each about the charities we do work for. his idea was to start a charity where the money would go to help dying people so they wouldn't die so quickly. kids speak from the heart don't they?
the biggest emotion i feel after this week is relief. the first year was a big test for me. everyone says you can do it and you sure hope you can, but deep down you are unsure. everything in your world is new and you are alone.
we can't control everything the future holds for us but we can control how we move forwards. you will be surprised at what you can get through!
ciao,
tasha
the day before april 4 was actually a lot harder than the day itself - why is that? all these expectations and thinking about the big day was really overwhelming. when the day actually came, the first thing i woke up to was a text from tricia letting me know that i did it. 4 am had already passed and that meant i had made it through the year. i actually felt a huge sigh of relief. if i made it through that, i am set!
there were lots of great moments, but the best part for me was going back to rosedale hospice. i felt this immense sense of peace when i walked in and it was so nice that everyone remembered us. we brought them some colorful tulip plants to brighten up the space and were greeted by many hugs. talyn ran right down to the library and grabbed our familiar old retro game of "guess who" and we played a couple of rounds in the sun room.
talyn's bday is coming up and so we're again doing an echoage party (www.echoage.com). i highly recommend it. everyone just donates money, half goes to one gift for the birthday kid and the other half to a charity of their choice. the kid gets to choose what they want and the guests don't have to shop and wrap a gift - heaven!
he was explaining to tricia tonight that he chose the WWF so that he could help animals. then talyn was asking us each about the charities we do work for. his idea was to start a charity where the money would go to help dying people so they wouldn't die so quickly. kids speak from the heart don't they?
the biggest emotion i feel after this week is relief. the first year was a big test for me. everyone says you can do it and you sure hope you can, but deep down you are unsure. everything in your world is new and you are alone.
we can't control everything the future holds for us but we can control how we move forwards. you will be surprised at what you can get through!
ciao,
tasha
Sunday
deep breaths
April 3, 2011
As tomorrow’s last first – April 4th approaches for us, we are amazed how fast it has gone and breathing a sigh of relief that we made it through. Lots of people have been asking me what we plan to do and nothing felt right. When I asked Talyn what he thought, he was clear.
As tomorrow’s last first – April 4th approaches for us, we are amazed how fast it has gone and breathing a sigh of relief that we made it through. Lots of people have been asking me what we plan to do and nothing felt right. When I asked Talyn what he thought, he was clear.
Let’s have a party mommy! We can put out all of daddy’s things and make a sign and people can come and remember daddy with us. My heart actually broke when he said that he is worried people have forgotten about his daddy and this will help them remember. His original idea also included inviting anyone who saw our sign, but that’s where we started negotiating. So we will have a few people over and show Talyn that none of us will ever forget his daddy.
We will also be heading to Rosedale Hospice with flowers to brighten their day, thank them all for their wonderful support last year and be in the place where Ryan last was.
If you knew Ryan at all or even heard something about him, take a minute tomorrow to remember the lessons he hoped to share. Smile more, laugh often, and really live. That is the message he hoped we would all learn from him.
Much love to you all and eternal thanks for all of your support that has helped us get through the last year.
Tasha & Talyn
Wednesday
small luxuries
march 30, 2011
do we all have unrealistic expectations for ourselves? i thought it was completely legitimate to think that my cast would come off at 8:10 am on thursday and by noon I would be back at the gym. not even close.
i did get my cast off and then sat there with what was left of my arm rested on a pillow until the very busy doctor came to review the xrays with me and send me on my way. but it took a while and i thought i better get things moving so that i could get back to normal. so, i put my elbow on the pillow and raised my arm up and tried to bend my wrist backwards.
the room started spinning, a feeling of nausea started and i felt really light headed. the pain was really intense. so i nicely let the nurse know that I might pass out and she laid me down, put a cool cloth on my head and told me to close my eyes. please stop spinning i told my head. after about 5 minutes and the tech's checking on me every 10 seconds, i sat up again. feeling a little less optimistic about my day, I decided to not try any heroics again.
the doc came by to let me know that things were healing up and asked me to put my hands together like i was praying. as soon as i did, guess what happened? they laid me back down again and then told me i'd be there for a while. not really the start i'd hoped to my day.
things i confirmed when i got my cast off - they are not urban legends:
do we all have unrealistic expectations for ourselves? i thought it was completely legitimate to think that my cast would come off at 8:10 am on thursday and by noon I would be back at the gym. not even close.
i did get my cast off and then sat there with what was left of my arm rested on a pillow until the very busy doctor came to review the xrays with me and send me on my way. but it took a while and i thought i better get things moving so that i could get back to normal. so, i put my elbow on the pillow and raised my arm up and tried to bend my wrist backwards.
the room started spinning, a feeling of nausea started and i felt really light headed. the pain was really intense. so i nicely let the nurse know that I might pass out and she laid me down, put a cool cloth on my head and told me to close my eyes. please stop spinning i told my head. after about 5 minutes and the tech's checking on me every 10 seconds, i sat up again. feeling a little less optimistic about my day, I decided to not try any heroics again.
the doc came by to let me know that things were healing up and asked me to put my hands together like i was praying. as soon as i did, guess what happened? they laid me back down again and then told me i'd be there for a while. not really the start i'd hoped to my day.
things i confirmed when i got my cast off - they are not urban legends:
- that chocolate milk i spilt down my cast 3 weeks prior didn't curdle, but wasn't pretty either
- whatever conditions exist under a cast are amazing for hair growth, so maybe people should cast their receding hairlines for 6 weeks?
- you do actually need to moisturize more than every 6 weeks or your skin might flake off for days - some call it exfoliation i guess
thanks to my physio, i also found out i didn't have one fracture but several and they were only partially healing according to the last xray. all key pieces of information that i somehow didn't get. so although i can't do a full workout yet, i can run again, shampoo my hair with two hands and open most jars. it all seems like a luxury to me now.
2 weeks to vacay sans kid...crazy!
nite, nite
tasha
Tuesday
price tag
march 22, 2011
every time i start to feel sorry to myself, something huge happens. i have always been a crazy empathetic person and lately more so. when everything happened in japan my heart ached for the people affected, those there and those desperately wondering if their friends and family were safe. when the first few days passed and the shocking images were less shocking, i felt so grateful for everything. yes we all have our hard days, but how hard are they really?
the last month has been filled with great stuff:
we all have lots of great stuff and some bad too, but the question is how to make sure that the great always wins in the battle of your emotions. for me it usually comes down to gaining some perspective on how little the "whatever" i am dealing with really matters and probably doing something that makes me smile. knowing what things or who can get you out of a funk is key. so make sure to have lots of those people and things in your world.
one of my happy songs lately is Price Tag by Jesse J. the tune is happy and the words really remind me to keep life light because in your last breath i guarantee you won't remember whatever bad thing you are worried about right now. you will remember all of the amazing people and things you've done.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMxX-QOV9tI
ciao!
tasha
every time i start to feel sorry to myself, something huge happens. i have always been a crazy empathetic person and lately more so. when everything happened in japan my heart ached for the people affected, those there and those desperately wondering if their friends and family were safe. when the first few days passed and the shocking images were less shocking, i felt so grateful for everything. yes we all have our hard days, but how hard are they really?
the last month has been filled with great stuff:
- birthday parties
- st. paddy day parties
- teaching hip-hop to talyn's class - or what you can teach 5 years olds
- talyn getting his bad mini mullet cut short (thanks justin bieber for initiating this with your own cut)
- the countdown of 2 more showers and 1 more hair washing until my cast gets cut off!
- being a part of an amazing panel of women for EM of Calgary's Winter Gala
- my friend's child making some huge steps forward in her health battle
- the countdown to my annual girl's trip with Tricia!!!
we all have lots of great stuff and some bad too, but the question is how to make sure that the great always wins in the battle of your emotions. for me it usually comes down to gaining some perspective on how little the "whatever" i am dealing with really matters and probably doing something that makes me smile. knowing what things or who can get you out of a funk is key. so make sure to have lots of those people and things in your world.
one of my happy songs lately is Price Tag by Jesse J. the tune is happy and the words really remind me to keep life light because in your last breath i guarantee you won't remember whatever bad thing you are worried about right now. you will remember all of the amazing people and things you've done.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMxX-QOV9tI
ciao!
tasha
Sunday
mad at the world
february 27, 2011
i spent a lot of the past week mad at the world. why do bad things happen to good people? shouldn't people that are good to others get some kind of pass and fate be nice to them? that is my crazy theory and sadly it keeps getting proven wrong.
i found out last weekend that a family that was tremendously helpful to my family through our struggle was hit again with one of their own. they are really good people and have already been through so much, so i was shocked and really mad that this could happen. they are of course making the best of it, but i couldn't accept it.
you know when you're nicely making a big tower of teetering blocks? well i felt like i was doing that and with this news they all came smashing to the ground. the stuff that talyn and i have gone through, then more recently my bf's family and now this. how can life be so cruel?
if you sit back and really look at everything going on, it feels like there is so much bad. is it that i'm getting older, that i'm finally paying attention or is there just more bad? if there is some mastermind behind this world and what goes on, are they trying to make us stop and take notice? notice of how disconnected people have become, how people are more lonely, how we all go home to our houses every night and lock our doors for the night?
maybe they are making a bold statement to try and pull us all together. the one thing i have learned is through the bad, through the tragedies that happen, people come together. that is the good in it all. so try and keep your focus on that.
love to you all,
tasha
i spent a lot of the past week mad at the world. why do bad things happen to good people? shouldn't people that are good to others get some kind of pass and fate be nice to them? that is my crazy theory and sadly it keeps getting proven wrong.
i found out last weekend that a family that was tremendously helpful to my family through our struggle was hit again with one of their own. they are really good people and have already been through so much, so i was shocked and really mad that this could happen. they are of course making the best of it, but i couldn't accept it.
you know when you're nicely making a big tower of teetering blocks? well i felt like i was doing that and with this news they all came smashing to the ground. the stuff that talyn and i have gone through, then more recently my bf's family and now this. how can life be so cruel?
if you sit back and really look at everything going on, it feels like there is so much bad. is it that i'm getting older, that i'm finally paying attention or is there just more bad? if there is some mastermind behind this world and what goes on, are they trying to make us stop and take notice? notice of how disconnected people have become, how people are more lonely, how we all go home to our houses every night and lock our doors for the night?
maybe they are making a bold statement to try and pull us all together. the one thing i have learned is through the bad, through the tragedies that happen, people come together. that is the good in it all. so try and keep your focus on that.
love to you all,
tasha
your kid is spoiled
february 20, 2011
getting ready to enjoy a very "out of character" low key weekend, we ordered a pizza on friday night. talyn had just finished a play date at our house and so there were toys laid around. when the delivery guy walked in, he looked at our front play room and said "wow...how many kids do you have?". i answered "only one" and then he said "look at all the toys, your kid is spoiled".
first instinct.....slam the door in his face. what did i do? smile politely and explain that he's the only grandchild on my side, so he is lucky to get lots of toys. protective mommy instincts then wanted to go into the "and he lost his dad a year ago and i've had cancer, so he's kind of had a hard life for a 5 year old". but i didn't. kept smiling politely.
after he left, it was really sticking with me. spoiled? but then i looked at the play room and saw the mess that it really was in. there were toys everywhere and lots of them.
so today we spent the day going through all of his stuff. piles for broken stuff, not used stuff and stuff he's grown out of. my right arm is getting really strong!
i've also had some semi-stressful planning stuff going on and my usual - run it all out, doesn't work with a broken wrist. so this was actually quite therapeutic.
tonight i feel proud looking at the still large amount of toys, organized nicely. and like i got some "stuff" out doing it.
and i also feel like this is the start of a major upheaval of my house. time to really go through stuff and purge. what good re-creation plan can really happen when you feel like you're drowning in stuff everywhere?
step one has to be "purge and organize"...at least for me.
but i think talyn is probably still a little bit spoiled.
happy long weekend!
tasha
getting ready to enjoy a very "out of character" low key weekend, we ordered a pizza on friday night. talyn had just finished a play date at our house and so there were toys laid around. when the delivery guy walked in, he looked at our front play room and said "wow...how many kids do you have?". i answered "only one" and then he said "look at all the toys, your kid is spoiled".
first instinct.....slam the door in his face. what did i do? smile politely and explain that he's the only grandchild on my side, so he is lucky to get lots of toys. protective mommy instincts then wanted to go into the "and he lost his dad a year ago and i've had cancer, so he's kind of had a hard life for a 5 year old". but i didn't. kept smiling politely.
after he left, it was really sticking with me. spoiled? but then i looked at the play room and saw the mess that it really was in. there were toys everywhere and lots of them.
so today we spent the day going through all of his stuff. piles for broken stuff, not used stuff and stuff he's grown out of. my right arm is getting really strong!
i've also had some semi-stressful planning stuff going on and my usual - run it all out, doesn't work with a broken wrist. so this was actually quite therapeutic.
tonight i feel proud looking at the still large amount of toys, organized nicely. and like i got some "stuff" out doing it.
and i also feel like this is the start of a major upheaval of my house. time to really go through stuff and purge. what good re-creation plan can really happen when you feel like you're drowning in stuff everywhere?
step one has to be "purge and organize"...at least for me.
but i think talyn is probably still a little bit spoiled.
happy long weekend!
tasha
Friday
more learnings
february 18, 2011
1. pillowcases are really hard to put on with 1 arm.
2. when something is taken away, you might want it more.
3. i get nothing done without a plan.
ok so the first one is really self explanatory - no? but stick with me on #2.
we have all heard that any new habit takes 30 days to take hold. so if i want to exercise more often, i have to stick to a certain schedule for 30 days and then it should stick.
but when i "have" to do something, i usually don't want to. and if I "can't" do something, i usually want to do it even more.
so i had this theory when i started this project that if i couldn't do something i wanted to, i would take it away for 30 days and then i would want it more. think about it, if you are told you can't have "X"....you want it more.
now with my wrist there are some things i want to do that I can't...and guess what? i want to do them all more!
then #3. i have tried this whole - let it happen when it happens approach to my re-creation and yes a few things are happening. i have planned some great things from my life list and am actually really happy again, but overall i am not moving ahead as much as i would like to. so now i know....i am a planner. and that's ok.
let the planning begin!
talk soon,
tash
1. pillowcases are really hard to put on with 1 arm.
2. when something is taken away, you might want it more.
3. i get nothing done without a plan.
ok so the first one is really self explanatory - no? but stick with me on #2.
we have all heard that any new habit takes 30 days to take hold. so if i want to exercise more often, i have to stick to a certain schedule for 30 days and then it should stick.
but when i "have" to do something, i usually don't want to. and if I "can't" do something, i usually want to do it even more.
so i had this theory when i started this project that if i couldn't do something i wanted to, i would take it away for 30 days and then i would want it more. think about it, if you are told you can't have "X"....you want it more.
now with my wrist there are some things i want to do that I can't...and guess what? i want to do them all more!
then #3. i have tried this whole - let it happen when it happens approach to my re-creation and yes a few things are happening. i have planned some great things from my life list and am actually really happy again, but overall i am not moving ahead as much as i would like to. so now i know....i am a planner. and that's ok.
let the planning begin!
talk soon,
tash
Saturday
good luck charms accepted
february 12, 2011
the day after my last posting, while out living life and snowboarding, i fell backwards. there was nothing special about this fall. it wasn't harder or faster than others i had had. but can you guess how this story ends? a broken wrist. the break itself was a bit special because the bone moved, so the last week has been a bit trying.
the first day i spent in a funk. on the outside maybe not so, but inside i was mad. just when life was moving along nicely, another obstacle in my way. and the fact that i so bravely and stupidly declined any pain meds wasn't working for me.
now almost a week after the break, i am adjusting to one armed life. but let me just vent about some of the biggest problems:
cntrl-alt-del....really? why so far apart? unlocking my laptop has been interesting
opening any jars, peeling any produce and really any cutting. can you say instant meals?
the amount of time to do anything at least triples. we've been running late all week!
what that has made me do is SLOW down. even this post is taking forever. and accept that things will get done when they get done. maybe some lessons i needed to learn as a part of my re-creation plan?
a week later i am determined to move ahead with one arm! nothing is going to stop me. not even this pretty blue cast.
ciao!
tasha
the day after my last posting, while out living life and snowboarding, i fell backwards. there was nothing special about this fall. it wasn't harder or faster than others i had had. but can you guess how this story ends? a broken wrist. the break itself was a bit special because the bone moved, so the last week has been a bit trying.
the first day i spent in a funk. on the outside maybe not so, but inside i was mad. just when life was moving along nicely, another obstacle in my way. and the fact that i so bravely and stupidly declined any pain meds wasn't working for me.
now almost a week after the break, i am adjusting to one armed life. but let me just vent about some of the biggest problems:
cntrl-alt-del....really? why so far apart? unlocking my laptop has been interesting
opening any jars, peeling any produce and really any cutting. can you say instant meals?
the amount of time to do anything at least triples. we've been running late all week!
what that has made me do is SLOW down. even this post is taking forever. and accept that things will get done when they get done. maybe some lessons i needed to learn as a part of my re-creation plan?
a week later i am determined to move ahead with one arm! nothing is going to stop me. not even this pretty blue cast.
ciao!
tasha
finally some motivation
february 5, 2011
i started off the year all motivated to do this big list of things and really haven't felt like doing any of it. i don't know what happened. was i really not ready to move on? that was definitely what was going through my mind. but how do i really figure that out?
shortly after my last posting, a close family friend passed away. a result of a tragic accident that happened in early december. the last week i've been trying to help the family (my bff Jill's family) get through this and travelled to attend the celebration. i was worried about this triggering talyn and then didn't know if it would have the same affect on me.
the celebration of life for rob was nothing short of inspiring. which is a weird thing to say isn't it? hard to describe, but the energy in the room was incredible. there were about 1500 people, all wearing their favorite sports jerseys, there was loud music, hilarious stories, tears and tons of laughter. although it's a terrible thing that happened, it just amazes me how it brings people together.
helping his now widow walk through the days has many similarities to my life almost a year ago. but instead of it making me sad, it makes me feel purpose again. talyn too wanted to talk to his youngest son and give him some advice on what to do to get happy again. it's hard to ever think anything happens for a reason, but taking the good out of something bad is all we can really do.
coming home i finally feel a push to start to get things done again. tonight i cleaned out my pantry. small steps people! that pantry hadn't been cleaned out for over a year. and now i'm starting to think about what else i can start to purge from my past to give more room for my future. it doesn't mean i'll ever forget those things or memories, just time to create new ones as well and make some room in my life for them.
cheers to new beginnings and much love to my second family as they get through the next while.
talk soon,
tasha
i started off the year all motivated to do this big list of things and really haven't felt like doing any of it. i don't know what happened. was i really not ready to move on? that was definitely what was going through my mind. but how do i really figure that out?
shortly after my last posting, a close family friend passed away. a result of a tragic accident that happened in early december. the last week i've been trying to help the family (my bff Jill's family) get through this and travelled to attend the celebration. i was worried about this triggering talyn and then didn't know if it would have the same affect on me.
the celebration of life for rob was nothing short of inspiring. which is a weird thing to say isn't it? hard to describe, but the energy in the room was incredible. there were about 1500 people, all wearing their favorite sports jerseys, there was loud music, hilarious stories, tears and tons of laughter. although it's a terrible thing that happened, it just amazes me how it brings people together.
helping his now widow walk through the days has many similarities to my life almost a year ago. but instead of it making me sad, it makes me feel purpose again. talyn too wanted to talk to his youngest son and give him some advice on what to do to get happy again. it's hard to ever think anything happens for a reason, but taking the good out of something bad is all we can really do.
coming home i finally feel a push to start to get things done again. tonight i cleaned out my pantry. small steps people! that pantry hadn't been cleaned out for over a year. and now i'm starting to think about what else i can start to purge from my past to give more room for my future. it doesn't mean i'll ever forget those things or memories, just time to create new ones as well and make some room in my life for them.
cheers to new beginnings and much love to my second family as they get through the next while.
talk soon,
tasha
Tuesday
watch and listen
january 25, 2011
are you watching out and listening for the messages you are getting in life? i know it sounds all voodoo, but seriously, crazy things happen. it's easy to just let them go to coincidence or chance, but i don't know.
things i've learned this week:
life is ever changing and we don't know when the end will be. so make sure you are being a bit uncomfortable from time to time and experiencing things that seem hard - like falling on my ass a million times boarding. as i get older i learn that feeling embarassed to have done something a bit daring is a far better feeling than regret of not doing something at all.
cheers to always pushing the boundaries.
talk soon,
tasha
are you watching out and listening for the messages you are getting in life? i know it sounds all voodoo, but seriously, crazy things happen. it's easy to just let them go to coincidence or chance, but i don't know.
things i've learned this week:
- boarding lesson #3 was my kryptonite
- going out the night before a boarding lesson probably isn't a good idea
- life is short and we don't all know how short, so live life like it could be short
- if you're feeling lost, follow a kid's lead, they really get life
- be honest and true, then you'll have no regrets of what if's
life is ever changing and we don't know when the end will be. so make sure you are being a bit uncomfortable from time to time and experiencing things that seem hard - like falling on my ass a million times boarding. as i get older i learn that feeling embarassed to have done something a bit daring is a far better feeling than regret of not doing something at all.
cheers to always pushing the boundaries.
talk soon,
tasha
Sunday
the best medicine
january 16, 2011
just had the best day in the mountains ever! alright i don't have many to compare, but that's beside the point. so many things made it great:
so make sure to push yourself, you'll be surprised at the result.
talk soon,
tasha
just had the best day in the mountains ever! alright i don't have many to compare, but that's beside the point. so many things made it great:
- talyn and i both graduated to a chair lift and went down some real runs with some confidence
- i made the drive to and from the mountains alone (alright following friends on the way back) through some pretty dicey conditions
- a school friend who sent me the email in the fall and invited us to join them and others in this program for the kids and really made this all possible - thanks michelle
- my amazing friends who helped me with the drive and spent the afternoon taking talyn down a real hill so i could do the same - em, neil, laura and jamie - thanks doesn't seem like enough
so make sure to push yourself, you'll be surprised at the result.
talk soon,
tasha
Saturday
obstacles
january 15, 2011
two things have been getting in the way of what I would call real progress.
first - everything else in life. do you ever feel like you are so busy just getting through the day that there's no time for anything else?
wake up
get ready
make breakfast
get talyn ready
take t to school
go to work
pick up t from school
make dinner
bath t
put t to bed
clean up
make t lunch
crawl to bed
repeat
second - my immune system. i have just been feeling sluggish and exhausted at the end of the day and i recently found out why. my body wanted to again house the flu and really embrace what that feels like. yesterday i slept 17 hours and took 4 emergen-cs and today woke up feeling much more like myself.
i have been able to move forward with a couple of new things. they will seem ridiculous for someone that is 36 years old, but here goes.
first, i went to mr. lube. i have always been a "take your car to the dealer, sit while they fix it, pay what they tell you to, drive away feeling like you can check that off for the quarter" kind of girl. but my dealer won't drive me home anymore, so change was forced. mr. lube was a lot the same, except they are way closer to my house, much quicker and friendlier. i must have made it sound so good that talyn asked if he could please come next time.
second, t and i got out to the mountains to both start our lessons. he is learning to ski and me snowboard. it's something that's been on my life list forever, but growing up in SK and the health things my family has been though haven't really allowed me to do that. the roads were a bit sketchy, but our friends drove us with them, while I closed my eyes in the back and took deep breaths. this weekend i'll try the drive myself - another big first - mountain driving on my own with t.
these things might seem small to most of you and i used to be a very independent person before ryan and talyn that might have thought the same. then i got into a world where life and death health challenges were very real and my world turned on its side. simple new things cause me more worry/anxiety than most because the world i have lived in hasn't been one where i have felt safe. the worst things that most people worry about have happened in my life and so now my mind goes to those places more easily.
in the past, meds seemed like the easy way to get me through what I needed and to get back to "normal" very quickly. but this time i am trying all of the regular things I can - exercise, natural supplements, a great therapist, deep breathing and calling my friends to talk things through. and of course one of the best things has been to try these new things and confirm that i can do them on my own.
these are the things that really push us forward to experience even more new things and that is one of the things life is all about. so now over to you - what new things have you tried this week?
have a great week,tasha
two things have been getting in the way of what I would call real progress.
first - everything else in life. do you ever feel like you are so busy just getting through the day that there's no time for anything else?
wake up
get ready
make breakfast
get talyn ready
take t to school
go to work
pick up t from school
make dinner
bath t
put t to bed
clean up
make t lunch
crawl to bed
repeat
second - my immune system. i have just been feeling sluggish and exhausted at the end of the day and i recently found out why. my body wanted to again house the flu and really embrace what that feels like. yesterday i slept 17 hours and took 4 emergen-cs and today woke up feeling much more like myself.
i have been able to move forward with a couple of new things. they will seem ridiculous for someone that is 36 years old, but here goes.
first, i went to mr. lube. i have always been a "take your car to the dealer, sit while they fix it, pay what they tell you to, drive away feeling like you can check that off for the quarter" kind of girl. but my dealer won't drive me home anymore, so change was forced. mr. lube was a lot the same, except they are way closer to my house, much quicker and friendlier. i must have made it sound so good that talyn asked if he could please come next time.
second, t and i got out to the mountains to both start our lessons. he is learning to ski and me snowboard. it's something that's been on my life list forever, but growing up in SK and the health things my family has been though haven't really allowed me to do that. the roads were a bit sketchy, but our friends drove us with them, while I closed my eyes in the back and took deep breaths. this weekend i'll try the drive myself - another big first - mountain driving on my own with t.
these things might seem small to most of you and i used to be a very independent person before ryan and talyn that might have thought the same. then i got into a world where life and death health challenges were very real and my world turned on its side. simple new things cause me more worry/anxiety than most because the world i have lived in hasn't been one where i have felt safe. the worst things that most people worry about have happened in my life and so now my mind goes to those places more easily.
in the past, meds seemed like the easy way to get me through what I needed and to get back to "normal" very quickly. but this time i am trying all of the regular things I can - exercise, natural supplements, a great therapist, deep breathing and calling my friends to talk things through. and of course one of the best things has been to try these new things and confirm that i can do them on my own.
these are the things that really push us forward to experience even more new things and that is one of the things life is all about. so now over to you - what new things have you tried this week?
have a great week,tasha
three little words...or something like that
january 8, 2011
i thought a good place to start would be to figure out what i really want out of this life. is it still the same things that i wanted when i was 20 or 30? is it still the same as when i was married or before i came a mom?
i came across an article by martha beck. yeah, her name sounded familiar to me too, but i couldn't place her. she's written a bunch of books and is on oprah quite frequently. stick with me because i think her formula really works.
first - pick a goal. be honest about what it is. if you want to win a beauty pageant, say it. pick the biggest, most ambitious one.
second - imagine what your life would be like if you achieved that goal. actually picture yourself in that world.
third - list adjectives that describe how you feel in that world. stay there a while and let yourself really think about them until you have at least three. don't stop until then.
four - now rethink through your goal and see if you feel those adjectives from achieving it. you might now think your goal doesn't actually give you those three adjectives.
so she says "starting now, survey your life for anything that can be described with any of those three words". i am going to start doing that to see what things my three words are related to.
alright so it sounds really simplistic and kind of out there, but it is a simple way to start. it gave me a starting point. what are my three adjectives?
peacefully blissful
energized
passionate about life
yes people i know that's technically more than three words, but close enough.
what are yours?
talk soon,
tasha
i thought a good place to start would be to figure out what i really want out of this life. is it still the same things that i wanted when i was 20 or 30? is it still the same as when i was married or before i came a mom?
i came across an article by martha beck. yeah, her name sounded familiar to me too, but i couldn't place her. she's written a bunch of books and is on oprah quite frequently. stick with me because i think her formula really works.
first - pick a goal. be honest about what it is. if you want to win a beauty pageant, say it. pick the biggest, most ambitious one.
second - imagine what your life would be like if you achieved that goal. actually picture yourself in that world.
third - list adjectives that describe how you feel in that world. stay there a while and let yourself really think about them until you have at least three. don't stop until then.
four - now rethink through your goal and see if you feel those adjectives from achieving it. you might now think your goal doesn't actually give you those three adjectives.
so she says "starting now, survey your life for anything that can be described with any of those three words". i am going to start doing that to see what things my three words are related to.
alright so it sounds really simplistic and kind of out there, but it is a simple way to start. it gave me a starting point. what are my three adjectives?
peacefully blissful
energized
passionate about life
yes people i know that's technically more than three words, but close enough.
what are yours?
talk soon,
tasha
Wednesday
some ideas
january 5, 2010
re-creation seemed like a great idea, until i literally started having anxiety over my whole life being upside down. but maybe that's part of this whole thing? you need to re-think through everything to really be able to be happy with where you are.
i put together a list of things i've always wondered about or wanted to do differently, here's what i've come up with:
so now comes the hard part...where to start? in cutting myself some slack, i've decided not to be so structured about all of that. i will focus on whichever direction life takes me.
ciao for now!
tasha
re-creation seemed like a great idea, until i literally started having anxiety over my whole life being upside down. but maybe that's part of this whole thing? you need to re-think through everything to really be able to be happy with where you are.
i put together a list of things i've always wondered about or wanted to do differently, here's what i've come up with:
- work smarter - which really means....how do i get all i need to get done in a day and still have any time left over for things i want to do?
- be "stronger" - this will involve exercise, but not in the "i have to do cardio 5 times a week..." kind of way, more about just feeling stronger again physically
- minimize - i have accumulated so much "stuff" over the past 10 years in calgary that i can't even find what i need some days
- experience new things - anyone remember something called a "bucket list"? i like to call it a "life list" and it's time for me to re-create that for sure
- "me" learning - i used to continually learn more about myself, but think i've been caught in a rut as of late, time to change that
- spirituality - this means more about learning about other practices for my own interest and likely ending right back where i am with a bit of new flava'
so now comes the hard part...where to start? in cutting myself some slack, i've decided not to be so structured about all of that. i will focus on whichever direction life takes me.
ciao for now!
tasha
Sunday
expectations
january 2, 2010
seriously people, what was I thinking...have a 12 month plan put together in a few days? I am going to need you all to help me bring my huge expectations for myself down to close to normality ok?
i have been opening my eyes to some things more than usual and there are a few things that have really stuck with me. a friend (that is a huge country fan...to which I will never be, sorry Jason) told me to watch this video. he didn't tell me much other than i should really watch it. because it was country, i didn't watch it for a couple of weeks and when i found the note he wrote me to watch it before the holidays, i finally did. although the music isn't what i like, the story really woke me up. if you're feeling like you want to re-create something but just can't get started, maybe this will help you get motivated... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al2DFQEZl4M
then i am a huge music fan, the right song can really stick with me. and live music....don't get me started. anyhow, there's a new song called "i'm coming home". i feel like it's my start to this new project. here's what it says:
I’m coming home
i did also manage to write down some ideas for the overall re-creation project and have some interesting ideas. will report on that next. one thing i do know is that although finding someone to hang out with will be a part of my re-creation for sure, it won't be a part of this blog. i am not that public about things!
seriously people, what was I thinking...have a 12 month plan put together in a few days? I am going to need you all to help me bring my huge expectations for myself down to close to normality ok?
i have been opening my eyes to some things more than usual and there are a few things that have really stuck with me. a friend (that is a huge country fan...to which I will never be, sorry Jason) told me to watch this video. he didn't tell me much other than i should really watch it. because it was country, i didn't watch it for a couple of weeks and when i found the note he wrote me to watch it before the holidays, i finally did. although the music isn't what i like, the story really woke me up. if you're feeling like you want to re-create something but just can't get started, maybe this will help you get motivated... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al2DFQEZl4M
then i am a huge music fan, the right song can really stick with me. and live music....don't get me started. anyhow, there's a new song called "i'm coming home". i feel like it's my start to this new project. here's what it says:
I’m coming home
I’m coming home
tell the World I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
tell the World I’m coming
tell the World I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
tell the World I’m coming
Back where I belong
I’ve never felt so strong eh
feeling like there’s nothing that I can’t try
and if you feel me put your hands high, high, high
I’ve never felt so strong eh
feeling like there’s nothing that I can’t try
and if you feel me put your hands high, high, high
i did also manage to write down some ideas for the overall re-creation project and have some interesting ideas. will report on that next. one thing i do know is that although finding someone to hang out with will be a part of my re-creation for sure, it won't be a part of this blog. i am not that public about things!
so i leave you with something oprah said in her mag about starting a new chapter...
everything you've ever done prepared you for all you can do and be. so move forward to start a new chapter with the lessons you've learned and the strengths you've gained.
talk soon,
tasha
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