september 26, 2011
i started a mission this year to create something new. but sometimes I get caught up in guilt, like i haven't been moving forward as quickly as i should be. and then recently i had a bit of a wake up call.
you might remember when i broke my wrist really good last year. shortly after i had a bone scan to figure out why the break was so big and they found a few other breaks i apparently had. there were some reasons this could be happening from minor to the big one, but no answers.
i went to see the bone doctor over the past weeks and we did a full review of my case to find an answer. in that meeting, a lovely resident and him discussed the possibilities. i think my medical knowledge sometimes works against me cause i understood exactly what they were trying to talk in code about....
"37 yr old female, history of breast cancer, presenting with multiple fractures, what could it be?" dr
"mets" resident
"so we get a bone scan" dr
ugh. mets = metastatic cancer = cancer is back and in my bones
luckily i got the test a day later and the results right away after that. but those few days threw me back in the cancer funk. back in the mindset that made me doubt this new something. how could i create something new with the c word constantly haunting me?
can you guess how this story ends? with a call from a very reassuring oncologist who said "we already knew this tasha, don't doubt, you are okay and that is the past". phew. a totally clear bone scan and a reminder to live!
the documentary that i was a part of in the summer of 09 & 10 is airing this week and i have felt a lot of anxiety around that. it is an amazing film and the reason i did it was to share my story in hopes that it will help someone else. but watching the girl in the film seems like i am watching someone else's life. it really does feel like a lifetime ago. http://www.wnetwork.com/Shows/About-Her.aspx
my life lately has been filled with planning for our annual BoobyBall for Rethink Breast Cancer and filling my time with things that make me happy. who doesn't love planning a party?
so what has this little blip on the radar taught me? don't put so much pressure on myself to change my life and forget about living it. and so i leave you with this song that reminds me how lucky we all are.
