it's gonna be a good life

september 26, 2011

i started a mission this year to create something new.  but sometimes I get caught up in guilt, like i haven't been moving forward as quickly as i should be. and then recently i had a bit of a wake up call.

you might remember when i broke my wrist really good last year.  shortly after i had a bone scan to figure out why the break was so big and they found a few other breaks i apparently had.  there were some reasons this could be happening from minor to the big one, but no answers.

i went to see the bone doctor over the past weeks and we did a full review of my case to find an answer.  in that meeting, a lovely resident and him discussed the possibilities.  i think my medical knowledge sometimes works against me cause i understood exactly what they were trying to talk in code about....

"37 yr old female, history of breast cancer, presenting with multiple fractures, what could it be?" dr
"mets" resident
"so we get a bone scan" dr

ugh.  mets = metastatic cancer = cancer is back and in my bones

luckily i got the test a day later and the results right away after that.  but those few days threw me back in the cancer funk.  back in the mindset that made me doubt this new something.  how could i create something new with the c word constantly haunting me?

can you guess how this story ends?  with a call from a very reassuring oncologist who said "we already knew this tasha, don't doubt, you are okay and that is the past".  phew.  a totally clear bone scan and a reminder to live!

the documentary that i was a part of in the summer of 09 & 10 is airing this week and i have felt a lot of anxiety around that.  it is an amazing film and the reason i did it was to share my story in hopes that it will help someone else.  but watching the girl in the film seems like i am watching someone else's life.  it really does feel like a lifetime ago.

my life lately has been filled with planning for our annual BoobyBall for Rethink Breast Cancer and filling my time with things that make me happy.  who doesn't love planning a party?

so what has this little blip on the radar taught me?  don't put so much pressure on myself to change my life and forget about living it.  and so i leave you with this song that reminds me how lucky we all are.

just living life...

july 18, 2011

whenever I don't post for a while, I start getting emails from friends wondering if i'm ok.  so sweet!  one thing to know about me....if you don't hear from me I'm likely totally fine.  when something's wrong I blog to get my thoughts out.

so right in character with things, i have been living life over the past months.  it feels crazy awesome and luxurious to just worry about what fun things we are up to.

talyn finished kindergarten.  a small step for most, but a huge step for us.  it was our first year doing this all on our own and we survived!  with new things comes anxiety and fear of failure, but somehow everyone manages to get through - don't we?  the next time you feel like you're standing at the edge of a cliff of something new, just remember that you've been there before and somehow you just leaped across to something new.  so you can do it again.

investors group hosted the second annual golf tournament for talyn's sports fund. sports are expensive!  so the group that ryan worked with makes sure that talyn can choose what sports he wants....even if someday it's hockey - ugh!

on the rethink breast cancer front, we had an amazing month.  at the long view golf tourney, we raised over $12K for this amazing charity that a group of us donate our time to.  then 9 of us spent a weekend with a psychologist getting trained to do peer support for other young women going through breast cancer.  this was the dream we had from day one, 4 years ago and now we are officially launched!  check it out...

the weekend training helped me remember a lot of things.  but one of the biggest lessons i learned through everything can really apply to anyone:

we all go through hard stuff.  just remember that you often can't control the bigger stuff in life, but you can control how you deal with it.  so just try and focus on that and the rest will work itself out.  it always does.

much love,