watch and listen

january 25, 2011

are you watching out and listening for the messages you are getting in life?  i know it sounds all voodoo, but seriously, crazy things happen.   it's easy to just let them go to coincidence or chance, but i don't know.

things i've learned this week:

• boarding lesson #3 was my kryptonite
• going out the night before a boarding lesson probably isn't a good idea
• life is short and we don't all know how short, so live life like it could be short
• if you're feeling lost, follow a kid's lead, they really get life
• be honest and true, then you'll have no regrets of what if's

i also started my life list this past week.  just one night what was on the top of my mind.  now as i'm going about my day and i see something or hear of something, it reminds me to update my list.  it can be anything from learning something new, travel somewhere, buying something you've always wanted to or experiencing something.  they even let you see other people's lists and that gives you great ideas to start.  http://www.superviva.com/

life is ever changing and we don't know when the end will be.  so make sure you are being a bit uncomfortable from time to time and experiencing things that seem hard - like falling on my ass a million times boarding.  as i get older i learn that feeling embarassed to have done something a bit daring is a far better feeling than regret of not doing something at all.

cheers to always pushing the boundaries.

talk soon,
tasha

the best medicine

january 16, 2011

just had the best day in the mountains ever!  alright i don't have many to compare, but that's beside the point.  so many things made it great:

• talyn and i both graduated to a chair lift and went down some real runs with some confidence
• i made the drive to and from the mountains alone (alright following friends on the way back) through some pretty dicey conditions
• a school friend who sent me the email in the fall and invited us to join them and others in this program for the kids and really made this all possible - thanks michelle
• my amazing friends who helped me with the drive and spent the afternoon taking talyn down a real hill so i could do the same - em, neil, laura and jamie - thanks doesn't seem like enough

although there were a few moments where i felt sad that ryan wasn't there with us, i built a lot of confidence doing it on our own.  and so for now my anxiety feels a million miles away and life seems possible again. 

so make sure to push yourself, you'll be surprised at the result.

talk soon,
tasha

obstacles

january 15, 2011

two things have been getting in the way of what I would call real progress. 

first - everything else in life.  do you ever feel like you are so busy just getting through the day that there's no time for anything else?

wake up
get ready
make breakfast
get talyn ready
take t to school
go to work
pick up t from school
make dinner
bath t
put t to bed
clean up
make t lunch
crawl to bed
repeat

second - my immune system.  i have just been feeling sluggish and exhausted at the end of the day and i recently found out why.  my body wanted to again house the flu and really embrace what that feels like.  yesterday i slept 17 hours and took 4 emergen-cs and today woke up feeling much more like myself. 

i have been able to move forward with a couple of new things.  they will seem ridiculous for someone that is 36 years old, but here goes. 

first, i went to mr. lube.  i have always been a "take your car to the dealer, sit while they fix it, pay what they tell you to, drive away feeling like you can check that off for the quarter" kind of girl.  but my dealer won't drive me home anymore, so change was forced.  mr. lube was a lot the same, except they are way closer to my house, much quicker and friendlier.  i must have made it sound so good that talyn asked if he could please come next time. 

second, t and i got out to the mountains to both start our lessons.  he is learning to ski and me snowboard.  it's something that's been on my life list forever, but growing up in SK and the health things my family has been though haven't really allowed me to do that.  the roads were a bit sketchy, but our friends drove us with them, while I closed my eyes in the back and took deep breaths.  this weekend i'll try the drive myself - another big first - mountain driving on my own with t. 

these things might seem small to most of you and i used to be a very independent person before ryan and talyn that might have thought the same.  then i got into a world where life and death health challenges were very real and my world turned on its side.  simple new things cause me more worry/anxiety than most because the world i have lived in hasn't been one where i have felt safe.  the worst things that most people worry about have happened in my life and so now my mind goes to those places more easily. 

in the past, meds seemed like the easy way to get me through what I needed and to get back to "normal" very quickly.  but this time i am trying all of the regular things I can - exercise, natural supplements, a great therapist, deep breathing and calling my friends to talk things through.  and of course one of the best things has been to try these new things and confirm that i can do them on my own.  

these are the things that really push us forward to experience even more new things and that is one of the things life is all about.  so now over to you - what new things have you tried this week?

have a great week,tasha

three little words...or something like that

january 8, 2011

i thought a good place to start would be to figure out what i really want out of this life.  is it still the same things that i wanted when i was 20 or 30?  is it still the same as when i was married or before i came a mom?

i came across an article by martha beck.  yeah, her name sounded familiar to me too, but i couldn't place her.  she's written a bunch of books and is on oprah quite frequently.   stick with me because i think her formula really works.

first - pick a goal.  be honest about what it is.  if you want to win a beauty pageant, say it.  pick the biggest, most ambitious one.

second - imagine what your life would be like if you achieved that goal.  actually picture yourself in that world.

third - list adjectives that describe how you feel in that world.  stay there a while and let yourself really think about them until you have at least three.  don't stop until then.

four - now rethink through your goal and see if you feel those adjectives from achieving it.  you might now think your goal doesn't actually give you those three adjectives.

so she says "starting now, survey your life for anything that can be described with any of those three words".  i am going to start doing that to see what things my three words are related to.

alright so it sounds really simplistic and kind of out there, but it is a simple way to start.  it gave me a starting point.  what are my three adjectives?

peacefully blissful
energized
passionate about life

yes people i know that's technically more than three words, but close enough.

what are yours?
talk soon,
tasha

some ideas

january 5, 2010

re-creation seemed like a great idea, until i literally started having anxiety over my whole life being upside down.  but maybe that's part of this whole thing?  you need to re-think through everything to really be able to be happy with where you are.

i put together a list of things i've always wondered about or wanted to do differently, here's what i've come up with:

• work smarter - which really means....how do i get all i need to get done in a day and still have any time left over for things i want to do?
• be "stronger" - this will involve exercise, but not in the "i have to do cardio 5 times a week..." kind of way, more about just feeling stronger again physically
• minimize - i have accumulated so much "stuff" over the past 10 years in calgary that i can't even find what i need some days
• experience new things - anyone remember something called a "bucket list"?  i like to call it a "life list" and it's time for me to re-create that for sure
• "me" learning - i used to continually learn more about myself, but think i've been caught in a rut as of late, time to change that
• spirituality - this means more about learning about other practices for my own interest and likely ending right back where i am with a bit of new flava'

so now comes the hard part...where to start?  in cutting myself some slack, i've decided not to be so structured about all of that.  i will focus on whichever direction life takes me.

ciao for now!
tasha

expectations

january 2, 2010

seriously people, what was I thinking...have a 12 month plan put together in a few days?  I am going to need you all to help me bring my huge expectations for myself down to close to normality ok?


i have been opening my eyes to some things more than usual and there are a few things that have really stuck with me.  a friend (that is a huge country fan...to which I will never be, sorry Jason) told me to watch this video.  he didn't tell me much other than i should really watch it.  because it was country, i didn't watch it for a couple of weeks and when i found the note he wrote me to watch it before the holidays, i finally did.  although the music isn't what i like, the story really woke me up.  if you're feeling like you want to re-create something but just can't get started, maybe this will help you get motivated... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=al2DFQEZl4M


then i am a huge music fan, the right song can really stick with me.  and live music....don't get me started.  anyhow, there's a new song called "i'm coming home".  i feel like it's my start to this new project.  here's what it says:


I’m coming home

I’m coming home
tell the World I’m coming home
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday
I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes
I’m coming home, I’m coming home
tell the World I’m coming

Back where I belong
I’ve never felt so strong eh
feeling like there’s nothing that I can’t try
and if you feel me put your hands high, high, high

i did also manage to write down some ideas for the overall re-creation project and have some interesting ideas.  will report on that next.  one thing i do know is that although finding someone to hang out with will be a part of my re-creation for sure, it won't be a part of this blog.  i am not that public about things!

so i leave you with something oprah said in her mag about starting a new chapter...

everything you've ever done prepared you for all you can do and be.  so move forward to start a new chapter with the lessons you've learned and the strengths you've gained.

talk soon,

tasha